If I Was Your Girl

Product Information

If I Was Your Girl follows Amanda, a trans girl who’s just moved back in with her Dad after taking a year off from school after her surgeries. I liked how we get a lot of flashbacks from Amanda's past from the time of confusion before her realization that she's a girl, the bullying, the support of her counselor, her suicide attempt/aftermath, all combining with her present. I think I would never have imagined a parent's experience in this situation had I not read this book. Sadly, the reveal of her birth sex was seemingly late in the story, and the following action was rushed and incomprehensible.

I couldn’t help seeing my reflection in the window: a gangly teenage girl with long, brown hair in a cotton shirt and shorts rumpled from travel. The first half of the book is mostly sweet, fluffy romance and the ‘honeymoon’ stage of Grant and Amanda’s relationship. She knows from before just how cruel and violent people can be when they know the truth, and doesn't want to not only lose the new people in her life, but lose the life she currently has; with passing so easily, no-one has any clue about Amanda's past, so as long as no-one knows, she can simply be. I imagined her in our house all alone, Carrie Underwood playing on loop while the ceiling fans whispered overhead.

It seems… on the nose… regardless, the way kids tease you just kind of sticks around forever doesn’t it?

But it is not the only part of the novel, and I wanted to critique the whole book, not just the thing it is most known for. Finally, I agree with some of the criticism around the portrayal of Amanda’s transition, particularly the fact that she exists within a very special storm of privileged circumstances. A nagging voice reminded me that I was only a half hour from home, that if I got off at the next stop and walked back to Smyrna, by sunset I could be in the comfort of my own bedroom, the familiar smell of Mom’s starchy cooking in the air. I'm not going to talk much more about the plot, because I don't want to spoil things, but this is such a beautiful and moving story. We pulled up in front of the Sartoris Dinner Car, an actual converted railroad car on a cinder-block foundation.And maybe it’s not as melodramatic as all that unfortunately because people can really suck) but there are also people who surprise Amanda in a very good way. I did however, wish there were more of the feelings Amanda had about herself before and after transitioning, and a little more in depth knowledge of being a transgender girl. I would definitely recommend this as a place to start with LGBTQ books and just for anyone who likes YA romances.

I don’t mean this in a condescending way at all - I mean, I’m a seventeen-year-old very-out-of-the-closet cis girl, and I think the ending of this was one of the most difficult-to-read endings I have read in my whole life.On a related note, I'd really recommend reading the authors note in the back as I feel it includes extremely important information for trans folk and cis readers. We also get to see how things change once she receives the help she so desperately needs, and is able to begin transitioning with the support of such wonderful people. After Amanda rejects her, Bee runs out into the dance and announces to the whole school that Amanda was born Andrew.

Never didactic, this debut is a valuable contribution to the slender but growing body of literature of trans teens. And I have an immense crush on her southern accent; I think she might be one of the reasons I fell for this so hard. I do like the second half, though, with Amanda coping with her identity and struggling with the truth. She just lays out a solid story about a young girl dealing with a difficult community she doesn’t quite fit in with.I will say that it was so obviously the direction the book was going, so it wasn’t really a surprise. She tells everyone about who’s had an abortion, who’s secretly gay, and most importantly that Amanda was born male. Amanda is transgender, and over the past few years she was bullied and then assaulted at her previous high school, subjected constantly to homophobic and transphobic language and actions. If I Was Your Girl is written mostly in the present day, but there are a number of scenes from back when Amanda was Andrew, showing us what her life was like before, the abuse she had to suffer, the hopelessness she felt, the certainty that no-one, including her parents, would want her if they knew the truth.